Read all about it

You have no idea how much I can related to the lyrics,
“I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers, I'm not afraid
They can read all about it, read all about it.”
Everytime I see you, I want to tell you how I feel so badly but I don’t want to ruin anything so I keep my mouth shut. I keep telling myself that I’ll get over my feelings for you or at least I will ge to the phase where I am going to get used to the feelings but I’m not there yet. The words are soooo close to bursting out of my mouth. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep it in for. I wanted to tell your good friends but I managed to keep it in. I wish things were easier and feelings are just an on/off switch. That would make life easier but I don’t know. I just noticed your hair these past few days and I’ll admit that I’m obsessed with it. You look so nice with that shaggy hair. There’s so many things I want to tell you but I keep it in so things won’t be awkward. I wonder if there will ever be a day when everything comes out. The last time I managed to keep my feelings secret from a guy for more than 4 years. I don’t know if I can keep it in for that long this time around. 😖

All it takes are small gestures

You know you were the first guy to ever be that sweet to me. Never did I think you would give me your shoe to wear when mine opened up. You ended up getting a splinter from trekking barefooted and I feel so guilty for that. Honestly, that trip with you was one of the best trips in my life. Then that night when I couldn’t finish my noodles and passed it to you with a prawn in it, you asked me if I was sure I didn’t want the prawn and I told you I was too lazy to peel it so you can have it. You asked if I wanted you to peel it for me and it warmed my heart so much. I didn’t have to ask you, you just did it on your own. The deep conversations we had throughout the few days during the trip and before the trip was amazing. I learned so much about you and I opened up to you so much. More than I ever did with any of my friends. You were so understanding and you just supported me. During the trip, the one night we were hanging out at the pier at night and you laid down and I started playing with your hair, it meant more to me than it probably did to you but I remember you saying you liked it when people play with you hair and stuff. Then seeing you help the little girls carry their tube up the stairs to the slides at the water park was just so sweet. You are so amazing with kids and animals. You truly are a gem. I’ve fancied you for awhile but after the trip, I can truly say I like you. I know you’re definitely way out of my league but any girl would be the luckiest person in the world to have you. I hope they cherish you and care for you the best they can. Also, I always say your hair looks nice when you first wake up and I mean it. You look so cute. Out of you and your two other mates, thought people may not always find you the most attractive, I always did. Not just for your looks but ask your heart and personality. You are so sweet with your siblings and your mum. You’re the whole package. Of course you have your bad side but that makes you, you. I always told myself I would never date anyone of your religion as I don’t want to give up my freedom but you changed my mind. With you, religion doesn’t even matter anymore. I just see you for you. No labels, no nothing. Just you.

One question, WHY?

Why is it then whenever I get really close to someone of the opposite gender, I feel some sort of attraction towards them? Even if I know that there will never be anything between us. Why do I feel this way about you although I know this whole thing is going to be one-sided. Maybe not seeing you for the next 2 to 3 weeks is a good thing for me to clear my mind. You are definitely way out of my league and any girl would be lucky to have you. When you tell me stuff about you, I can’t help but think how lucky the future girl in your life would be. How amazing her life would be. You would bring her so much joy and comfort. Just know you’re one fantastic human being although I never told you how good you actually are. I’ll get over you one day. Just give me time, peanut.