Clueless

When I first came here with you and I was bawling on the bed in the hotel room saying I was scared and I wanted to go home, you told me I could call you at anytime and even if you were busy in the middle of the day, you would still answer my call! What happened to that, mum? I don't even know what I've done and you're just out of nowhere, shutting me out! At least tell me. Let me know. I'm sorry for whatever I did but because 1000km away from home and not even being able to communicate with you since you've even been blueticking me sucks! With my finals so close, I just need something close to home. What's going on, I'm clueless, Mum! Please just talk to me. I don't care if you yell at me just don't shut me out.

2 years and still missing you

It's the little things that makes me think of the times you were still around. Eating oats after a long reminds me of the time we would both be standing next to the kitchen counter back in BSD and making oats in the microwave and how I liked to eat mine with milk powder.. How I would always sit on your recliner once you got off to go to the toilet or anywhere and you got me my own! I even miss watching those Indonesia TV shows with you when I came home from school. I even remember the times I was afraid to go upstairs alone to have a shower and I would keep calling you over and over and you knew the whole routine.l. I miss you so much Aunty Kate. I always will. forever and always. 👼🏻💚

What Is To Become Of Us?

It's crazy how from being strangers, you becomes friends to best friends and then drift apart. I'm scared to lose you. It felt good knowing I had you to turn to no matter what the problem was. It went from talking in school and chatting almost everyday to chatting once in a couple weeks. And it's always me initiating the conversations. To be honest, I fear the future. I fear not being close to you anymore. I know everything happens for a reason and I hope this one happened for a really good reason. I should have seen it coming though but I don't know. Maybe I was that blind. Good thing is I don't think I like you like that anymore? Well at least now I don't. Just know that no matter what, I will always care and be protective over you. Bye for now.

P.S: You might not know who you are, blur little thing. 😁

Times Have Changed

The main reason this blog even exists is for my school project and if this happened a couple years back, I would have been incredibly excited to write this blog with how much I post on social media sites and all. Now, I guess I've learned how to keep things to myself and only let out certain stuff. Thus, it's been a little harder to write blog entries but I'll try my best and hopefully it turns out well. I'm hoping this blog will remain active for a long time. 😀 Also, thanks to those who've read my first entry. I appreciate it.

838 days

It's been 838 days since you left and no doubt, it is getting easier to accept the fact that you're never coming back. I always wonder how you would feel about me going so far away from home to study; approx. 1000km. I have sooooo many stories to tell you about what's been happening the past 2 years and more. I still go through days where I just have breakdowns just like the first day. I've always imagined having you around till I get married, have kids and all. Of course, I expected you to be here when I finished my SPM. It was a shock to me and still is. Never would I have thought that you would go at such a young age. That was the first time I ever skipped an exam in secondary school, knowing how I can never re-sit a test but I knew I wanted to be there to send you off to your resting place and it's a decision I will never ever regret. Well, that's about it for now I guess. I love you and miss you loads, my guardian angel. Like how I end every letter I type to you on my phone, with the two emojis. [angel baby] [green heart]